Nate Wilson visioninapark at hotmail.com
Thu May 3 07:21:34 PDT 2007


Just don't care
Can't get up the reason to do anything
Too early too drink
Sun too strong
Started to go someplace
Had to come back
Just turn around
Thought of it at the start
Pushed myself
Staring out the window
No expression
Must have seen things
It's the highway
Just a dead mental pervasive feeling
Like no feeling
Like no want
Just well, heavy

Don't want to hurt
Don't want anything
It's no use
Just lie low
Wait for tomorrow's nothing
They have hope, those creators
No creation here
Record a falling erection
The edifice of me
I don't care
Can't get up a care
I can put on a face
Wear that somewhere
But I can't let them have me
God, how worse that can be

Depression is consoling
At least it's mine
I could be a slave to depression
But at least it's mine
The scary world of losing control is far worse
No reason to be, is something I know
There's no overpowering outside force
I don't excuse myself
Well, I don't care

I don't want to care
It seems alien
Oh sure, there's beauty
I remember that
It's quiet here
No moving things
The motivation of lower beings
The shadows laying
It's just nothing's interesting
The only interesting thing is nothing
That's all I want
I care about nothing


Another day of not knowing.
Not knowing what it's about or what to do
There's nothing to do
Is it just go outside and you'll find something to do
It appears we make the things to do
Life has been made so simple to survive
We create objectives that seem dubious in value
If we didn't accumulate things around us
We wouldn't have to think about them
Or do anything with them

So is it stare at the wall and see God?
Is that simply another invention of what to do?
What makes for happiness?
I, I suppose most people find themselves in a need to produce
to accomplish basic necessities
To purchase food and habitation
the education of children
So because these basic things don't cause me to be driven thoughtless
bent on the animal instinct
or befuddled with group concern
I can't die to the why that looms in my consciousness

Is it that I can't create
Or do I see the falling of making something of nothing
Because it is nothing.
Maybe it's creator died
Man can have his needs so easily met
because his superior intelligence has created efficiency

OK but what now?
What does one who doesn't care do?
and does he take steps to force himself to deal with the results of those 
What's so great about beauty, nature?
Sometimes feeling so physically good is depressing
If I don't do anything it's all despair
And I want to die

Do I know too much or not enough?
Going on and on and on and on beyond
Far beyond what is needed.
Is that success?
Why do I stay here and ask ????
If I don't want to do that
What is there to do?


Have I always been this driven?  I wonder
It's just when I stop the clock and notice
I see a body moving fast
With things to do and I wonder to myself
Watching me move
Could I always be here and watch?

It's not been my experience
Things are often so unconcious
I was going on dreaming
one night when I slept
But what to do today makes me
think about me more often
And I catch myself running fast
and I ask
Why is it the excercise that matters less?
I know I'll continue
But I forget who I am
Taking orders, delivering things

I finally found a place
It's a moon away from what reverses the drive
The energy gained
The sight of the clear basic environments
I wonder


Given the gravity
It's the same char
Sliding into the spot
Gleam off the polished stone
Carved metal cast
It's all weeping outside
The observation of a slow doom
Taken away, the catapult
Springboard to the next thought

All indexed
The slow steps of orderly pursuit
The unfolding execution
The small parts of the day spent not remembering

Everything is next
Quantity does not exist
We forgot to count
Crammed in a canister
All the powder contained

Great gains of conciousness
Whoever thought it would be like this?
Such an even keel
Constant, controlled
The happiness of well being

Bloom the once time annual
Capture the essence
The train must leave without me
I stand and fail to move

Whistful sad revelation
It's not necessary to continue
Trying to find something lost
Trying to find something new

You have all you want
The worship of God
Undirected by a plan
It's a glorious meander

Creamy days
Dreamy ways
The only way to compensate
is to float into yes
Fear was the other door

The chances freely given
Open it up
Thank you for the courage
I didn't die with the wrong bets
They just made me know
you as you appeared.
Like the still breeze
I said to myself "Aha
so this is what I'm living for
I didn't know it was so comfortable"
All the clock watching adolescents
When will it be over so I can be free?

Freedom, is your loving glance
Your light dark warm chill
The feel of you through my body
The magic your embrace bestows

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