Nate Wilson visioninapark at hotmail.com
Wed May 2 22:15:33 PDT 2007

This album is INTENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am going to have to conquer the lyrics for the second disc tomorrow
I hope you all understand

here they are.
The lyrics to the first disc


All the phone rings are alarming
It doesn't matter
I can't escape the weight of these days
Nothing is special
No bad things
Even good things
But it's a swamp I'm stuck in
and the boggy crevices and steep banks
and all the difficult terrain

So why do I want to ??? all the time
why do I need to smash in the brain?
I don't know
It keeps on and I watch the scope of the perifery
Hoping I don't have to do anything
Because I am not up to it
or will that matter
Not up to nothing as well.

Take my mind (??)
Take my life and give me yours
Even success is not success
Even failure is not failure
There's just this empty time I must persevere through
And what is at the other end of the moment
or does it matter right now ???

?? pockets are hardly enough
I support the stretch of time
keep busy of course
struggle to survive or course
Whatever takes your idea of the abyss and postpones it
because the unbearable state of affairs is unsustainable
You don't have to do anything
It's obvious I suppose
Jump into the fire and then respond to that place.


How can I go on when I know
unless I create activities
The overwhelming sense of hopelessness confuses me
and I can't see a reason to continue
It's always been this way
And I knew about it as soon as I could reflect
and understand.

Sometimes it's hard to create activities
A sadness deters my sense of adventure
Why bother
I know what it is
The working of life masks the utter nothingness that really is
Man go gladly to the glory of battle
On the cusp of knowing its plight or join with other fighters

But I can't fight no longer
I don't recognize the battle
I can't join with the fighters
It's all so useless
Why do it?
Why do anything?
It's always put one foot in front of the other
and carry on.

Self-inflicted stimulation is the deathbed
Life is on the other side
The side I don't know
Investigate, calculate, contemplate
Where does it go?
Off and away
We are moved by our own indulgence.
The contrievence of a bothered soul

Don't have time
Find a way to get past time
Mark a future spot
And just get past that time.

Make the spots painful so there's
a perceived reward
on the other side.
It's the way of life for all who can reflect
The moment cannot be surpassed without deft and discipline
the natural instincts must be broken
the tendencies deflected

I don't want to attempt to prove things ????
React with indifference as bombarded by the world
Objects moving, perception rebounding
God knows the use
Keep me in the car ??
Why do I come out to mention things?
Why describe the still air?
Do I think I'll make a friend?
Does someone need a fuse ignited?
Question not the question
Force myself to breathe
Sit lonely in the twilight
and beg for a pulse

This stillness ???????
If you come at me with a weapon
I wouldn't know it
I would have to go with you there
Conjure up a violent means to the end
Crazy dumb thoughts
afternoon of insensitivity
Gratitude for the passing of time
Perhaps a non, some life returns

The landscape changes
Dead things rot and become trampled
Seeds sprout
It all continues
an aging mind wants benifits
I don't want to seem redeemed

Sitting on the balcony
Standing in the foyer
Head in hands
Why am I so empty?
The proverbial question reveals
The quandary, the communion with the backside life
Living long and living deep
I didn't see relativity
But I don't mind
I don't mind.

There's a kind of numbness that I know


It seems I have been depressed all my life
I remember once when I was about eleven years old
on a summer day
I was aware of the nothingness of life
I said to my mother "There's nothing to do."
She said, "Just go outside. You'll find something to do."
So I went outside and did things.

Now it seems.....
There is more to do inside than outside
But still there's nothing to do
We simply manufacture circumstances that create a necessity to do so
Except for the procurement of basic conduct as a human being.
Aside from manufactured circumstances
and the resultant required activity regarding them
Well, what is there?

The play of the mind
the excercise of the body
simply escapes from the basic reality of life's nothingness
???? we humans are
We're just in situations that force us to act.

The contemplation of beauty
Is it enough?
To build a fire and simply watch it
Why jump into the folly of the human mainstream
It seems no use.
In order we go
Condescending to expend the energy of our own being.
The construction and deconstruction of a life
and still there's nothing left
Just go outside
the elephants will teach you to respond.

Exercise your brain! Try Flexicon. 

More information about the jandek mailing list